In the last 4-5 months, I have struggled with being sick, Mstr E being sick, J being FIFO.. I've been tired, worn out, frazzled, depressed. There were a few angels who came to my rescue, and it got me thinking that these were the ones who truly helped me, when I didn't know how to ask for help, or what to ask.
It got me thinking of what they actually did, and these things (which could be small) meant so much to me and gave me back some sanity on days when I felt I couldn't do anymore. I thought I'd compile a list here, because it may help someone help a new/sick/tired/overwhelmed mum (or dad)!
Before I get to the list though, I found that I did not tend to ask for help from people who offer the generic "please call if you need help". As I mentioned above, I usually don't realise I need help until a particular moment and, in that moment, it is too difficult to pick up the phone and say I'm drowning, can you please come now and do x, y, z. On the contrary, when someone offers something specific, most often I will say 'yes please'.
1. Hire a Cleaning Fairy
I have dropped my cleaning standards a lot, and tried to ignore the mess and "enjoy the baby". But let me tell you, when you're holding the baby and staring at the tumbleweeds rolling past, it is very depressing. It's also near impossible to dust when you have a toddler in tow. An open bucket and a toddler do not mix.
Personally, though, I'd feel very awkward if you were my friend and you came to clean my house, or ask me what I need cleaning. I'd be so grateful though if someone hired me a cleaning fairy! I'm wishing that Santa brings me one for Christmas. /fingerscrossed
Or, I'd be so grateful too if someone could just entertain the toddler and/or watch the baby so I can scrub the bathroom or wipe the shelves. Or, just give me an extra hand with tidying a room.
2. Bring Food
I think most people already know/do this. But, can I please just say, don't bring me food I still have to cook or give me "easy recipes". When I'm exhausted and starving, I want to eat now and I either:
(a) don't have the energy to cook,
(b) don't have the energy to do the dishes after,
(c) can't escape from the toddler/baby, or
(d) all of the above.
Please bring meals that I can just heat up or eat cold. I've had some fabulous lasagna and both J and I were so grateful on those nights when dinner was just sorted. (/burp) Thank you! x
3. Bring Takeaway or Snacks or Afternoon Tea
Whilst on the topic of food, when you do visit, could you please bring me takeaway or snacks or afternoon tea?
Sometimes I'm just craving that soft serve or that burger. Sometimes I just need muesli bars, chips, chocolate or fruit to keep me going through the day. And it would be nice if you brought afternoon tea for us to enjoy with our cuppa, than me stressing about what to serve when you visit.
4. Do a Grocery Run
Also, when you're on your way to my place, could you please ring and see if I need bread or milk or toothpaste or nappies?
Or sometimes, please offer to do a grocery run for me. I do try and do online grocery shopping when I can't get to the shops, but sometimes I miss the cutoff and my pantry and fridge are empty. Then, it's usually a mission dragging the toddler (and baby... eek) to the shops, and even then, it usually ends in failure because I'm just not very good at grocery shopping with a kid in tow. Or, please babysit while I get some groceries and put them away!
5. Take Visiting Family Out
My mum stayed with me postpartum for about 6 weeks to help with the baby and around the house. As she didn't have a car and didn't know her way around Perth, and I wasn't cleared to drive, we were essentially housebound. That got me really guilty and stressed that she was bored and going crazy (though she wasn't). One day I arranged for her and my mother-in-law to go out for a lunch and movie. I think that gave everyone a nice break.
If anyone has family (especially from overseas), please offer to take them out or offer them some company. Or even take them to get groceries! (I'm sure my mum would've liked to get groceries more often to be able to make certain meals.) I think the new parent(s) and the family member(s) would appreciate the break.
6. Build Furniture
This is an unusual one, but I think so incredibly helpful. With a new bub especially, there is a spike in the purchase of furniture, and so often, they're flatpack! Some require 2 people to build and move them, and with a curious toddler or new baby, usually Mum or Dad, or Mum and Dad just cannot get it done!
An extra set of hands, or two, would be very handy (ha!) to get that room sorted.
7. Do the Sheets
I think I've got the hang of doing laundry (little people have a lot of washing). But, when it's time to change the sheets and we've had a week of rain, that pile drives me a little bit mental. When there is finally sunshine, I can't seem to catch a break to put the wash on, or hang it out, or bring it in.
(whisper) Maybe you wouldn't mind taking it away with you, and bringing them back laundered and folded?
Ok. I don't think this one is gonna happen.
8. Babysit for Facial or Massage or Haircut
I'm sure a lot of mums, like me, crave for a bit of pampering, or need that little bit of pick-me-up so you feel like you can look in the mirror without cringing. But, it's near impossible to get to a pamper session (and enjoy it) if you've got a toddler and/or baby in tow.
When E wasn't able to go to daycare one day, my SIL came with me and watched him while I enjoyed a massage and facial. There was a bit of guilt at the start, but it was massaged away pretty quickly as I sunk into bliss. Grateful was an understatement.
9. Take the Toddler
I'm planning on keeping E's routine as much as possible after bub arrives. To do that, I will have to enlist someone's help in dropping him off / picking him up from daycare, and take him to playgroup. I'm sure he'll love it as well if someone can continue taking him to playgrounds, or just out in the backyard for outdoor play.
Mum (aka me) will love to be able to spend some time with just bub too.
10. Let Mum and Bub Visit or Invite Them Out
When E and I have been in the house for too many hours and played with all the toys and watched all the TV, we both get bored and a bit stir-crazy. Sometimes we just need a bit of company and many times we've just popped in to see his aunty/cousins. Just being able to do that brightens him up considerably (and in turn, gives me a huge sigh of relief).
Similarly, we look forward to meeting up with friends as it breaks up the day, and gives us both company and a bit of sunshine. A very thoughtful friend let us crash her picnic / BBQ with family friends so we wouldn't be alone one long weekend while J was away. I was struggling that weekend, and that helped a lot in getting us through the next couple of weeks.
It got me thinking of what they actually did, and these things (which could be small) meant so much to me and gave me back some sanity on days when I felt I couldn't do anymore. I thought I'd compile a list here, because it may help someone help a new/sick/tired/overwhelmed mum (or dad)!
Before I get to the list though, I found that I did not tend to ask for help from people who offer the generic "please call if you need help". As I mentioned above, I usually don't realise I need help until a particular moment and, in that moment, it is too difficult to pick up the phone and say I'm drowning, can you please come now and do x, y, z. On the contrary, when someone offers something specific, most often I will say 'yes please'.
1. Hire a Cleaning Fairy
I have dropped my cleaning standards a lot, and tried to ignore the mess and "enjoy the baby". But let me tell you, when you're holding the baby and staring at the tumbleweeds rolling past, it is very depressing. It's also near impossible to dust when you have a toddler in tow. An open bucket and a toddler do not mix.
Personally, though, I'd feel very awkward if you were my friend and you came to clean my house, or ask me what I need cleaning. I'd be so grateful though if someone hired me a cleaning fairy! I'm wishing that Santa brings me one for Christmas. /fingerscrossed
Or, I'd be so grateful too if someone could just entertain the toddler and/or watch the baby so I can scrub the bathroom or wipe the shelves. Or, just give me an extra hand with tidying a room.
 |
| The fairy tidied up the craft room and brought food! (See point 3.) |
2. Bring Food
I think most people already know/do this. But, can I please just say, don't bring me food I still have to cook or give me "easy recipes". When I'm exhausted and starving, I want to eat now and I either:
(a) don't have the energy to cook,
(b) don't have the energy to do the dishes after,
(c) can't escape from the toddler/baby, or
(d) all of the above.
Please bring meals that I can just heat up or eat cold. I've had some fabulous lasagna and both J and I were so grateful on those nights when dinner was just sorted. (/burp) Thank you! x
3. Bring Takeaway or Snacks or Afternoon Tea
Whilst on the topic of food, when you do visit, could you please bring me takeaway or snacks or afternoon tea?
Sometimes I'm just craving that soft serve or that burger. Sometimes I just need muesli bars, chips, chocolate or fruit to keep me going through the day. And it would be nice if you brought afternoon tea for us to enjoy with our cuppa, than me stressing about what to serve when you visit.
4. Do a Grocery Run
Also, when you're on your way to my place, could you please ring and see if I need bread or milk or toothpaste or nappies?
Or sometimes, please offer to do a grocery run for me. I do try and do online grocery shopping when I can't get to the shops, but sometimes I miss the cutoff and my pantry and fridge are empty. Then, it's usually a mission dragging the toddler (and baby... eek) to the shops, and even then, it usually ends in failure because I'm just not very good at grocery shopping with a kid in tow. Or, please babysit while I get some groceries and put them away!
5. Take Visiting Family Out
My mum stayed with me postpartum for about 6 weeks to help with the baby and around the house. As she didn't have a car and didn't know her way around Perth, and I wasn't cleared to drive, we were essentially housebound. That got me really guilty and stressed that she was bored and going crazy (though she wasn't). One day I arranged for her and my mother-in-law to go out for a lunch and movie. I think that gave everyone a nice break.
If anyone has family (especially from overseas), please offer to take them out or offer them some company. Or even take them to get groceries! (I'm sure my mum would've liked to get groceries more often to be able to make certain meals.) I think the new parent(s) and the family member(s) would appreciate the break.
6. Build Furniture
This is an unusual one, but I think so incredibly helpful. With a new bub especially, there is a spike in the purchase of furniture, and so often, they're flatpack! Some require 2 people to build and move them, and with a curious toddler or new baby, usually Mum or Dad, or Mum and Dad just cannot get it done!
An extra set of hands, or two, would be very handy (ha!) to get that room sorted.
 |
| E's new chest of drawers. |
7. Do the Sheets
I think I've got the hang of doing laundry (little people have a lot of washing). But, when it's time to change the sheets and we've had a week of rain, that pile drives me a little bit mental. When there is finally sunshine, I can't seem to catch a break to put the wash on, or hang it out, or bring it in.
(whisper) Maybe you wouldn't mind taking it away with you, and bringing them back laundered and folded?
Ok. I don't think this one is gonna happen.
8. Babysit for Facial or Massage or Haircut
I'm sure a lot of mums, like me, crave for a bit of pampering, or need that little bit of pick-me-up so you feel like you can look in the mirror without cringing. But, it's near impossible to get to a pamper session (and enjoy it) if you've got a toddler and/or baby in tow.
When E wasn't able to go to daycare one day, my SIL came with me and watched him while I enjoyed a massage and facial. There was a bit of guilt at the start, but it was massaged away pretty quickly as I sunk into bliss. Grateful was an understatement.
 |
| Can't wait 'til my next visit! |
9. Take the Toddler
I'm planning on keeping E's routine as much as possible after bub arrives. To do that, I will have to enlist someone's help in dropping him off / picking him up from daycare, and take him to playgroup. I'm sure he'll love it as well if someone can continue taking him to playgrounds, or just out in the backyard for outdoor play.
Mum (aka me) will love to be able to spend some time with just bub too.
10. Let Mum and Bub Visit or Invite Them Out
When E and I have been in the house for too many hours and played with all the toys and watched all the TV, we both get bored and a bit stir-crazy. Sometimes we just need a bit of company and many times we've just popped in to see his aunty/cousins. Just being able to do that brightens him up considerably (and in turn, gives me a huge sigh of relief).
Similarly, we look forward to meeting up with friends as it breaks up the day, and gives us both company and a bit of sunshine. A very thoughtful friend let us crash her picnic / BBQ with family friends so we wouldn't be alone one long weekend while J was away. I was struggling that weekend, and that helped a lot in getting us through the next couple of weeks.
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